Hopeless

I went out taking some photos yesterday. My goal was to get the most amazing blues but in the end my favourite photo was Hopeless.

What are You Wearing Today?

I've been feeling very inspired the last few days, 2010 feels really good! To prove it, I just joined a Flikr group called the Bloganistas, where bloggers prove they wear more than just sweatpants (or in my case, flannel pajamas). I had some fun with my camera today taking this photo and some other shots for a project I'm working on.

I need to get drawing and painting again, now I'm one step closer!

Clouds

Was driving my son to rugby yesterday and was taken by how stunning the clouds over the ocean looked. I snapped some photos while huddled inside my car from the cold wind. Still feeling unwell from the flu.




No photo photo the tree wearing the sweater yet, but it'll come.

Heartache

(photo from, Crazy Hair Day, post)

Now that I'm sick and more laid out than usual I've been contemplating the blog and looking back through all the photos I've posted since I started. Next thing you know my chest hurt and I felt like I was having a bit of an anxiety attack. I called a friend to try and ward it off because anxiety attacks feel like life and death for some reason, my chest felt like there was a big stone inside.

Talking is such a great way to put out what you're feeling and to be able to process it. I told her that I was browsing the photos when it came on and she asked me if I was upset to see how sick I'd been. I said, no. I was actually thinking about how creative and fantastic the photos are. That made me pause and wonder what the heck it was about.

Then I realized it. My blog and me, hasn't been the same since my hard drive crashed with all of my photos and videos on it. Not all of my photos post diagnosis but a lot of key photos. The blog has pictures on it that have no originals anymore. This blog is the only memory of them and they are low resolution for the internet. The photos that I didn't post and didn't back up are lost.

If you're thinking, "What a dope", because I didn't back them all up just realize that I had almost zero idea how to use the internet and computers before my illness and blog. I didn't even actually know what a blog was when I started it but that's a whole other post. I self taught in a vacuum at home by myself asking people the occasional question.

So, as I was browsing the photos a huge sense of loss hit me. Not a loss of my life or a sadness because of the cancer but the loss of my creative self while dealing with the rest. It's hard for me to talk about that.

Shortly after my computer crashed I moved from my big beautiful house that had my art studio in it and a wildlife filled backyard to social housing in the city. I haven't been the same since. My blog hasn't been the same since. I don't wander the beaches anymore. I don't talk to other bloggers much anymore. It seems like the last six months or so are an empty blur.

If I can deal with the loss that cancer brings, surely I can deal with the loss of a hard drive?

I have so many new adventures that I haven't posted for some odd reason. I keep thinking, I'll get to them but the whole picture fiasco makes me want to shut it up into a box and not think about it. I feel impotent (ha ha, to the mental image that just gave you).

Anyway, I'm going to start posting those previous adventures. I have a long list of awesomeness that didn't make it here... yet.

Rockies Photo-rama

Two days of adventure in snapshots, in no particular order. It's been an intense two days on the run and I'm not done yet.

(Ha, ha, sorry couldn't resist)

Fun

I haven't been blogging as much as usual because I'm having such grand adventures. I've been doing slightly better and I got my camera back! Having my camera=adventure. For some reason, when I have it, that is when the neat stuff happens....but then again, maybe we make our own neat stuff.

To start off with, when I recieved my camera back from the camera hospital, there was this photo on it for me. Thanks camera guys! I love it!

Next I went to a hidden cove where I had to contend with many stairs.


It was well worth the effort.


But in my peaceful oasis I had a sudden visitor.


He/She wasn't very happy with me that I was blocking his/her path across the beach. I eventually got hissed at so I went on my way. After all it wasn't just my peaceful oasis.

Yesterday I went up a nearby mountain and tried out my new camera remote. I had a blast. An, exhausting, exhausting blast.





I can't even believe it's winter.

Back to my second Photoshop class this afternoon!